I don’t think anyone can change who they are for very long, before they go back to their core self. Challenging yourself is a part of life, but the core self can be sustained. Inside the core, there is good and evil, and like anything else in life, whatever you feed, augments. To hate yourself is to hate what you’ve been feeding yourself; nothing is static. You have your ancestors, your environment and culture, and what you do with it depends on what you are attentive to in your own personality and nature. Man is not what he thinks, but what he entertains, and even then, that is only for a time.
“Don’t stare too long into the abyss, or the abyss will stare back into you.” What you focus on, comes to life in a meaningful way, so then I want to focus on meaning and hope.
When you meet someone well for the first time, they are giving to you what is true to them, who they recognize as themselves. This is usually based on what society wants or who they want to be, not generally based on action or sustainability. But honesty is dependent on introspective capacity and protocol under pressure; therefore, all honesty cannot be equal. There is a lot of nuance in behavior – for instance, pride can resemble confidence. But if you want to know what lies behind what you see, what you accept of yourself, then you just have to look at your actions and the things you are drawn to. Actions do not define you — habits can be moved somewhat — but these are reflections.
Home Is the Heart:
Your values are your True North. Even if you are not to blame for what has fallen down, placing the blame anywhere else is always pointless. How can you ask a tree to shed its leaves for you? People have their temperaments, and they are either agreeable with yours or not. Maybe a tree will lose its leaves in the winter for a time, if you are patient. There are many sides to a person and to life, and nothing is static. But you can’t ask for a tree to lose its essence. Only water nature, appreciate its comfort, or walk past.
Up or Down:
Most people do not lie to others, but lie to themselves, then it will called being mistaken. For some, going deeper inside is not necessary, as they’ve already unraveled a lot of what belief and hope are built on, the wonder that makes life worth living, but mostly for me, protocol was easier than finding what I did not want to find. A lot of what you don’t want to find is inconvenient. What there is no point in believing, is still worth seeing, because it gives you humility. If pride is the side effect of introspection, then you have not gone deep enough; and introspection is not necessary for some to have humility, it could just lead to self-absorption. But I go the long way, so I don’t have to come back over it again.
It was because of what I wanted of me, that blocked me from seeing most of myself. I did not want to let myself down. How could I be ambitious, or rigid like my father? I believed some things about myself, and I threw myself against them to prove it to myself. But extremes can’t be sustained. Now I know it was not because of who I was that caused the problems, but my denial or lack of acceptance of what I was. The denial meant that it would be hard to ebb and to flow. In the end, flaws are forgivable, but pride, absorption, and denial are the parts of nature that cause the most suffering.
Fear is nothing to fret over. Anger and sadness are a part of being human; why fight them? Are you protecting yourself if you are hurting yourself? If you know that everything that is meant for you, is going in a similar direction as you, with similar concerns, how could you worry? Structure is important to preserve your essence and your health, to not stare too long into the abyss. With structure — to preserve values — humility, and optimism, you will always have a place to be.
My values are clear: endurance, consideration, space, meaning, and knowledge. Anything that left had to. I always look to the future. People with different priorities have to follow who they are. They found the places and people, the ideas suited to how they saw themselves.
Like goes with like to survive and to thrive. A droplet joins a bigger stream.
Fire purifies metal. Purification and thought burns and burns slowly, and that means a lot to me. Some will not see the point of your values, but they are not for them.
You are everything you need — you are all parts of nature, the good and the bad — everything that matters and that can be sustained is internal. What is similar finds its way home.